Choices I've made

I'm struggling to accept some choices that I've made in the past. I was recently served a reminder of a choice I made a number of years ago which I believe led me to the inadequate state I'm currently in (Maybe my life isn't in an "inadequate state". It's not perfect, but I'm happy. It's more that it hasn't gone to plan, and there have been far more struggles that I would have liked.). I don't have any regrets or dissatisfaction with the good parts of my life that have occurred since. But I'm deeply reflective of how one, what seemed at the time, simple decision can change the path I've taken in life.

I didn't know in that moment the way life would go off the back of the choice. So I shouldn't blame myself. But it's easy to give myself a hard time looking at what has happened since. It's as if I'm trying to find someone to direct my anger toward, and an immature past version of myself is an easy scapegoat.

Yes, I feel angry. Angry that I can't change the past. Angry that I now have to live differently, and that life is harder because of the choice. There's a natural belief that the anger will have a resolution if you find someone to direct it toward. I've felt anger toward someone on the other side of my choice, even though they did nothing wrong. I've felt anger toward myself, even though I didn't know better.

But in the end the only way I can manage these feelings is to channel them into making better choices today and in the future. No one is at fault. Anger is natural but not productive, or even warranted. I'm simply angry at the laws of time, which I cannot change. I can either sit and moan about the laws of human nature, or I can learn about them and find the best ways to function within them. Maybe I've been reading too much Seneca.